Morning money gang. Welcome back to the hair extensions business master class. I’m your instructor, Charlo Green. We are continuing our conversation on guarding your spirit, making sure that you are putting yourself in an environment to thrive. And today we are talking about toxicity, how you can spot it and the best way to deal with it, especially when it is someone super close to you. Why is that important in business? Do I do I need to explain why it’s important that you stay away from toxic people? No, that that pretty much spells itself out. So let’s go ahead and get to the money. So when it comes to business, especially if you’ve already gotten started, you understand that it is not easy. There’s nothing easy about taking an idea and turning it into actual money. So every step along this journey, you need to make sure that you are putting everything in your bag, everything in your arsenal, everything in your favor that will help you to get to that finish line pot.
Everything possible that you can use to get you across that finish line. When we’re talking about our friendships and our families. Those are the closest relationships we have, right? That is where we spend most of our free time. That is where we freely give our energy and take energy away from whether or not you are conscious about that. The issue with that is when you are the one person in your family or friend group that actually wants more, the one person that is challenging the status quo, the one person that is stating this is not enough for me, people are going to hear, we are not enough for you. That’s where you get all of those, Oh you changed. Oh, now you try to act all brand new. Oh, okay. I see you with your little hair cup. Like that stuff is not helpful. That is a dream on your energy and that does not serve any purpose except to try and keep you down, to try and keep you in this same space that everyone else that you’re surrounded by is comfortable with and it’s not that they don’t love you and it’s not that they don’t care about you.
It’s almost like you are on a track, right? You’re on the track and you’re jogging along and everything’s comfortable and nice, and then all of a sudden one of the friends that you’re jogging with decides to start running twice the pace. You’re like, Whoa, what’s going on sis? I thought we were jogging this thing together. Oh, okay. All right. I see you speedy goes up. Like even though you don’t feel any type of way about that person that you care about, taking that extra action or putting in that extra effort. At the end of the day, it is a reflection on what I’m doing because suddenly I realize that, oh, I could pick up the pace, but you know what? That’s going to make my knees hurt. That’s going to make my lungs hurt. That’s gonna make me sweat off my wig. So maybe we’re not going to do that and maybe I’m gonna, I’m gonna let you know that I prefer to keep you here.
Does that mean our relationship is toxic? Does it mean that you need to be conscious of the energy that these people are putting out, that you are taking in. Like at the end of the day, you don’t get to pick. If you’re in a hot room, you don’t get to pick whether or not the heat is going to hit you. If you are surrounded by this kind of energy, you don’t get to pick whether or not you are going to absorb it. That’s just what it is. You are a sponge and so it’s important for you to own that fact and own the environments you put yourself inside of. When it comes to those close friends and when it comes to family, it may not be that easy, but I do have a four step formula to help you find out whether or not this person is being toxic or if they’re truly concerned and then to give you the action steps on what to do about it. And I call that the four D’s. The forties are dig, determine, define and declare of when you hear someone questioning what you, your dreams or your aspirations, the first step that you need to do is dig. If they say, well, are you sure you can do that? Do not let them just get away with throwing that question out there, throwing that question out. Not to get an actual response, but as a statement because they’re trying to plant a seed of doubt. At least some of the time. That’s the case. You won’t know unless you dig. Hit them back with a question immediately, what do you mean you don’t know if I can do this? What exactly are your concerns if they can’t come with, oh, well I know that you have school and I know that you have your daughter and and I also know that you’re stretched really, really thin. Are you sure that this is something that you can like if they come back with an actual, oh, I’m actually concerned, then understand that they’re coming from a place of actually caring about you and caring about your mental. But if you asked that question and they come back with, oh well you know, I’m just, are you? Are you sure you can do it? Like No. If there’s nothing more than that question they’re throwing at you. Understand you need to put your guard up. Yeah, you might’ve been best friends for the last 20 years, but you’re trying to go from here to there and she’s trying to keep you here. Do you think it’s going to be easy to get there when you have this person secretly sabotaging your mental? Absolutely not. So that first step, dig super important. The next step determined based on that digging, you’re determining whether or not that person has your favor in mind, has your end goal in mind or whether they have their own.
So after you’ve done the work of digging and determining whether or not they have your interests or their interests, there’s that word at heart. Then the next step is to define what do mean by fight. I mean you are redefining the boundaries that you have in this relationship. You are stating exactly. Well, I get that you’re concerned but I am going to do this and I need all of the positivity and support that I can get and that is the only thing that I am going to accept when we talk about this state. It clearly state a calmly, I talked about this in my, my video about the Tati Westbrook James Charles thing and how she came across so classy and so composed and that I think is what’s driving most of the migration to her account after this insanely viral video where she spilled all of the tea.
That could’ve gone way left. Just like how you having this conversation with someone close to you can go really left when you are redefining the boundaries of what you will and will not accept in this relationship, but it is absolutely necessary. So we have Dig determine, define those boundaries and declare all of those things and the declaring is what we just did. You’re redefining the boundaries and then you’re going to them classily and declaring exactly what you will and won’t accept. Those are the four steps in my formula for dealing with toxicity, for finding out whether or not it really is toxic or whether they really are concerned, take them to heart. I came up with this formula for me personally. Um, I don’t really talk about my family too much because we, they’re toxic. My mom tried to convince me to drop out of high school like a few weeks before I graduated.
And because I come from this space where I don’t have the typical family where everything’s lovey dovey, I’ve had to learn how to protect myself and how to, um, and how to do it in the best manner. So even way back then, I’m 31 years old now. I’m talking about when I was 17, 18 years old. Even then having that conversation with my mom, it was like, well, what exactly what exactly, why don’t you want me to graduate? You know, I’m right on track. I’m supposed to be walking, did great with my GPA. Oh Wow. You know, then you might want to go off to school. And it was just like, okay, so your concern is you, and not necessarily me because why would you want me to drop out and just start working like that makes no sense to me. So once I understood that she didn’t have any of my interests at heart, I redefined our relationship in my mind.
So what did I declare? I appreciate your concern, mom. I know that things haven’t gone as well for you as you hope they would when you migrated from Nigeria over here to America. But I’m going to do this for me and I can always come back to working a job that a person without a high school diploma would qualify. I can always come back and do that, but I am going to do this for me. That was me declaring where I stood and letting her know, don’t do this again because it’s, we’re both losing when we have to have this conversation. That’s pretty much what I have on this topic. Do not for get the four D’s. Dig, determine, define and declare, declare, declare. Let them know not today. I love you, but not today, not tomorrow. And not my future. It’s a new game we’re playing. I’ll see you next time.